


Lavender

by jishiny (orphan_account)



Series: nana's changjin works [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst to Fluff, First Kisses, Love Confessions, M/M, and fluff, angsty, but just a tiny tiny bit, happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 01:30:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16546229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/jishiny
Summary: Hyunjin liked him, a lot. And he couldn't keep it in anymore, that's why he decided to confess through a letter.





	Lavender

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt i got at [ tombl ](http://skzwriting.tumblr.com/) but i wrote so much i decided to post it here too ;~;  
> i speed wrote this at lunch and edited at 1am so there may be ~many~ mistakes, feel free to point any out ! /peace

-

 

He couldn’t say it, the words would literally not come out of his mouth. He had tried to do so  _ so _ many times, yet it was like his body was not in sync with his mind and whenever he got the courage (usually from a pep talk with Chan) to confess, he would stutter, mind would shut down, knees would buckle and hands would become clammy and cold.

 

That’s why he wrote a letter. Cheesy? Yes, but hey, he was running out of options.

 

He had rewritten it so many times he finally decided to type it up, and  _ then _ , probably after the 50th attempt of writing a confession letter he finally came with a good product - at least one he deemed good enough to express his feelings.

 

He bought scented letter paper - it was baby blue and had a scent of lavender to it -, wrote with his best and most careful handwriting all the words he knew too well but still felt foreign on his tongue. All the words that made his mind race and his eyes glitter with possibilities.

 

Hyunjin was not really excited to confess. Especially not to a bandmate, but it had to be done.

 

He had gotten very close to his crush recently, his bandmate, someone he admired deeply and wanted to learn from, if he’d let him. But it still felt so hard, so improbable, the feelings were choking him and asking for release, but he just could not imagine what the older’s reaction would be. 

 

What if he hated him? What if he was disgusted? What if he ruined their friendship?

 

Chan kept encouraging him to confess, Changbin - the person he was currently desperately crushing on by the way - was day by day starting to get more affectionate with him, including random cuddling sessions (which everyone knew literally  _ melted  _ Hyunjin since he was so bubble-gummy), hair ruffling, sending him messages to study hard at school, helping him with his pronunciation and rap practices, and talking to him all the time.

 

_ All the time. _

 

It made him want to burst with feelings, it was all a bit too much to keep in and he needed it  _ out.  _

 

He finished writing the letter, with no mistakes much to his surprise, read it again - just to make sure -, folded it in the baby blue matching envelope, tied it with a silver string and held it to his heart.

 

_ He was doing this. _

 

He stood up, breathed in deep a few couple of times, and with his chin high and choking back tears of nervousness, he made way from his shared bedroom to Changbin and Chan’s. He knocked on the door softly, he could hear faint music inside - which was not so unusual - before the door opened, a sleepy Chan greeted him with a smile,

 

“Hyunjinnie! What’s up?”

*

“Hyunjinnie! What’s up?” 

 

Changbin looked up from his notebook to the taller bandmate’s head peeking out of the halfway opened door, he was blushing deeply and as soon as he made eye contact with him he seemed to freak out a bit and totally ignore Chan for a few seconds,

 

“U-uh, fine! Can I…” Hyunjin didn’t know how to ask Chan for privacy without actually saying anything, so he just looked in Changbin’s general direction, hoping Chan would understand. 

 

Which he did,

 

“Oooooh,” he let out softly, smiling gently to Hyunjin and patting him on the shoulder, “Come on in, I’ll go grab myself some tea”

 

Hyunjin entered and closed the door softly behind him, taking maybe a few seconds too long to turn back - Changbin felt the seriousness in the atmosphere as soon as he did. The anxiety of the younger was palpable in the air, hanging thick over them,

 

“Hyung, I have something to say” His voice was small and soft. Changbin clicked a few buttons and drowned the music out, closing the notebook where he was writing lyrics at and invited Hyunjin to sit on the bed with him, patting the space beside him.

 

He pretended not to frown when Hyunjin sat a bit too far from where he had patted,

 

“T-this,” The boy took a baby blue envelope from behind him and handed it to Changbin, “is for you” He heard Hyunjin audibly gulp and a breath hitch on his chest as Changbin took the envelope, the small brush of their fingers made him notice how cold Hyunjin’s hands really were.

 

His name was neatly written on the front of the envelope, he untied the silver string that kept it together and grabbed what looked like a letter from inside,

 

“You wrote this?” It was folded in front of him, and he felt the faint scent of lavender coming from the paper. Hyunjin nodded and looked down, he was playing with the strings of his sweatpants and looked at least three times more nervous than a few seconds ago.

 

Changbin breathed in deep, not knowing what was about to be revealed.

 

*

 

It was hard to reject Hyunjin.  _ Really _ hard.

 

In Changbin’s mind, after a couple minutes of silence, he could put it all together. How much closer they had become, how much more affectionate he was being with the younger and in all honesty, he almost didn’t even realize the change in behavior, not really imagining it would do such damage.

 

But now, Hyunjin liked him. _Liked_ _liked_ him. He was crushing on him and had written a confession letter with rehearsed words and neat handwriting and lavender scented baby blue paper and suddenly, he felt guilty.

 

He didn’t know if he felt the same for the boy, but seeing how it was a question to begin with, he concluded he didn't. His affection was of an older brother who looked out for his dongsaengs, and Hyunjin might have misinterpreted it or maybe had let his affection sway him another way.

 

He felt guilty because he had to fold the letter again, put it out on top of his desk neatly, pull Hyunjin into a gentle soft hug and whisper to his ear a broken, “I’m sorry”

 

He heard the exact moment Hyunjin started to cry and tried pulling out of his embrace, probably to run away from him and his rejection.

 

But Changbin held him closer, stronger. It hurt him deeply to see his younger bandmate crying, almost sobbing on his shoulder now, body all stiff and cold and  _ not  _ Hyunjin.  _ Not his Hyunjin. _

 

A particular choked out sob followed by a sigh and an apology made Changbin falter for a moment, his arms around the taller boy failing him and enabling Hyunjin to escape his one shot at comfort.

 

Neither slept that night.

 

Hyunjin too busy muffling sobs against his pillow and Changbin tossing and turning, casually punching his mattress now and then in frustration because he did not want  _ this. _ He didn’t want Hyunjin sad, he didn’t want to disappoint him, but how could he after what the younger had confessed to him?

 

He had rejected him and it  _ hurt.  _ Hurt deep and he didn’t know why, wasn’t this what was best for them? How could he say ‘yes’ to Hyunjin when he wasn’t even sure if he saw the younger that way?

 

“Why did you reject him, Bin?” Chan’s groggy voice whispered, something about the tone of it made him want to wince. Not only had he hurt one of his closest friends but his leader also sounded disappointed,

 

“It… We… are not meant to be hyung” The words rolled off his tongue weird, he wasn’t sure if that was what he truly meant,

 

“Are you kidding me? You two fit perfectly like a puzzle, it’s obvious to anyone but  _ you _ ” Now, Changbin actually winced, the words sounded sour on his ears and he wanted to pretend to fall asleep so as not to have this conversation,

 

“I just… I don’t feel the same way” For some reason, he couldn’t stop his eyebrows from knitting together. Chan sighed deeply,

 

“Don’t ruin your friendship” It wasn’t a request, it was a semi-threat, his leader’s voice echoed in the dark room and he couldn’t stop a bitter feeling from rising in his chest. 

 

What was this?

 

*

 

Exactly 12 days passed by since the confession to this point. 

 

Changbin was laying on his back, sweat clung to his body and made him feel gross but yet he felt light. Hyunjin was by his side, he was still giggling from their tickle fight - which Changbin won, being the strongest out of the two and easily pinning Hyunjin to the floor, although when the younger looked at him with wide pupils and soft lips parted in a gasp, cheeks blushing baby pink at their proximity, Changbin had to remind himself to create some distance.

 

He had been doing it an awful lot recently. 

 

Whenever they seemed to have a good moment, any moment that did not reflect the pain Hyunjin still felt from his rejected confession, Changbin seemed to remember it and turned the mood blue again.

 

It’s not like he did it on purpose, he would do anything to help Hyunjin forget him and them to be able to be friends again. But it was hard.

 

It was hard when Hyunjin’s giggles were so  _ loud _ , his smile so bright and big that made his eyes disappear into tiny crescents. It was hard when the younger was breathing puffs of air after a harsh sequence of their dance practices and looked at him through the mirror, all glistening in a thin layer of sweat but still looking as angelic as ever.

 

It was hard whenever Hyunjin touched his arm to call for his attention. It was hard when the younger draped himself all over the other members but seemed to flinch like he was burned whenever Changbin touched him.

 

It was hard when their next concept was a stupid bubble gum confession song and all that Changbin could think about was Hyunjin.  _ Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. _

 

His smile, his face, his eyes, his gentle and warm hands and perfect body proportions were all that clouded his mind and at this point he didn’t know if he was making all of it up out of guilt, but he was sure he was starting to develop mushy feelings for the younger.

 

He spared a look to his side, Hyunjin had a soft smile on, cheeks still a faint shade of pink. He sucked on his teeth to not let it out, but the thoughts were screaming inside his head:  _ ‘beautiful, beautiful, beautiful’ _

 

“Say, Hyunjin-ah,” The boy turned on his side to look at him, eyes filled with curiosity and a small smile danced on his lips,

 

“Do you still feel anything for me?” The smile disappeared almost immediately, his face was stone frozen for a moment, facial features clenching in tension,

 

“Why do you want to know?” He asked softly, avoiding his gaze and tracing random patterns on the floor with his index finger - he seemed to have a nervous habit with his hands, despite all the seriousness of the situation, Changbin wanted to call him ‘cute’,

 

“I just want to” He lied,

 

“Maybe” Hyunjin admitted in a desperate breath, he laid back down and faced the ceiling, the bright lamps in star shape taking all of his attention.

 

“Hm” Was all that he answered, suddenly not really sure where he even wanted to go from there,

 

“I don’t want us to change hyung” he said and glanced at Changbin quickly, gulping nervously and sitting up cross-legged, all Changbin could see was his hoodie-d back.

 

He didn’t answer, he couldn’t. Because change is exactly what he needed. He couldn’t stand seeing Hyunjin sulk anymore for something he didn't even mean. He couldn’t stand see the younger thinking he didn’t have feelings for him, because he certainly had. Maybe since the beginning but he was just too stupid and panicked to realize,

 

“I do” He sat up too and Hyunjin turned back to face him, actions slow and careful. His eyes betrayed his cool face and they were screaming ‘scared’.

 

Changbin sighed and brushed a hand through his hair, how was he even supposed to approach this? How was he even supposed to start explaining? Did he even know what he wanted to say? Did he even know what he felt? It was all too confusing and he was getting tired of thinking.

 

With a determined look, Changbin grabbed Hyunjin by his knees and pulled him towards him, his crossed-legs were over his and the younger looked white as a ghost.

 

He breathed in shaky. Once, twice. He felt his heart speed up and then, he realized he was sure.

 

He was sure he cared for Hyunjin, he was sure he would do anything to protect the younger, he was sure he wished to spend as much time together as possible and he was definitely, absolutely sure he did not want them to be angsty with each other anymore.

 

Because the truth was,

 

“I think I like you” His gravelly voice had never sounded so soft, not even to his own ears when he sang. 

 

Hyunjin inhaled sharply and his eyes looked as though they were about to pop out of their sockets, his hands resting on his thighs were slightly trembling and he felt his whole body jittery.

 

Changbin smiled and pulled him closer, pulled him until Hyunjin was practically sitting on his lap and he hugged him, hugged him tightly. Hid his face in the taller’s chest and breathed him in.

 

He, for the second time recently, felt Hyunjin cry. He felt him lose strength against his body and hug him so tightly he forgot how to breathe.

 

He slowly felt the younger’s anxiety wash away, he felt his body come closer against his, hearts beating in an accelerated rhythm against each other.

 

Hyunjin pulled away from his hiding place on Changbin’s neck only to grab the older by the cheeks and kiss him. A kiss full of sparks and fuzzy feelings just like in the movies.

 

Changbin felt all insecurities and self-doubts completely crumble over the prowess that was Hwang Hyunjin, the boy he was slowly falling for.

 

They kissed until they ran out of breath and Hyunjin out of tears, breaking apart only to nuzzle onto each other again with soft and small apologies and ‘thank you’s.

 

Changbin noticed, as he nuzzled his face onto the crook of Hyunjin’s neck, the boy still smelt of that same lavender.

 

 

*

**Author's Note:**

> anyways, comments are my life force asjkas  
> and watch me cri over sock skz on [ main ](http://foxy-jeongin.tumblr.com/)


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